An ocean lies before me vast and endless,
calling onto me with a soul enriching magnetic force,
but alas, I do not know how to swim
I imagine the ocean like a cradle that will rock me to sleep
I dream of mastering the ocean waters
with the light of the night guiding me forward
The ocean shall be my resting ground
and the playground for my soul
I can remember one morning when I was around six years old feeling really low. I was lying in bed and in the background I could hear my father drinking his morning coffee and the turning of the pages of the sport’s section in the daily newspaper. I did not want to get up. Instead I just stared at my ceiling wondering why? What is the point? Why should I get up? I knew it would be the same routine. Soon I found myself having a one sided conversation with the Divine. My conversation could be summed up with one question: What is the goal of life?
I am sometimes shocked by myself how early I started to formulate questions of such deep seeking. But these questions were within me. Deeply rooted in my soul and they resonated in my head for many years there after. A quest, a desire to separate myself from the ordinary daily cycle of actions that I was impelled to do each day: Get up, wash my face, brush my teeth, eat breakfast. Ugh. It really did not motivate me and seemed tiresome.
On top of that all the bullies at school found me the target of their bitter words and brutal heartless teasing. At that age, the defense mechanism to close my heart and stop feeling was still not operational. Gosh, I guess I really just found dealing with this all really hard.
This went on for many years. Life just sucked in so many ways.
On the other side life was good in so many ways. My parents really loved me and I had two younger sisters whose company gave me a lot of pleasure. I actually preferred talking with grown ups then children my own age. The grown ups were always much nicer and easier to talk to for me.
I also really enjoyed playing street hockey with the kids on my street, I guess it helped that I was half decent hockey player. As all Canadians I played with my heart on my sleeve. So I found acceptance there amongst some of my peers.
Finally when I was eight, God reached out to me. I found a magic deep in side me that started penetrating into every aspect of my life. The kids at school did not change, rather they just started leaving me alone. Teachers starting telling me how smart I was and giving me compliments. I felt happier getting up in the morning. Little did I know at that time, that it was really just the beginning of a grand grand journey that I am still on today.
The mind is barking a lot these days! Silence I say, but most of the time to no avail. Devotion that is the key! Quiet the mind praise the Divine. Its so simple! Sing the praise of the all pervading force that surounds us each day, forgive and feel the bliss. Ah, this is the magic recipe. Behold thoughtless awareness.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
Leo Tolstoy
The Sails are open,
The Sky is dark,
The Water is still,
Across the wet floor shimmers the moonlight.
Its nose points northwards,
It is heading home,
The path is clear,
There is no room for despair.
The ores sink deep,
And slice the water evenly,
It moves in a rhythmical way,
In a constant beat.
A Maiden She is,
The finest seen,
Her Grace removes fear,
Her presence gives hope.
She travels not far,
But the journey is rough,
In darkness is the voyage,
Till She reaches daylight.
To Every morning’s dawn,
I feel an inner satisfaction,
As if God’s breath has blown within me,
and awakened my spirit.
To Every evening at dusk,
I feel a sense of completion,
As if I have done something worth living for,
and to live another day for.
To Every moment that,
I am neither awake nor asleep,
I feel as if I have reached the goal
of eternal joy and happiness.
To Every moment
I see another human happy,
I feel I understand why,
God has created us,
His statue in movement.
Meditation is a place of peace and the holy grail to filter our attention from the constant bombardment of nonsense that it is blasted with throughout the day. I find these days that I can touch a deeper capacity of stillness that lies within me. It is truly a joy. In some ways writing this blog prepares me and puts me in a state where I want to stay connected with my soul.
This connection is so easily lost. It takes a only a moment, a single comment from a collegue, or silly advertisement on the subway in the morning, and then its gone. When this connection is there, I feel like a king on his seat, or a warrior on his horse looking over the war field. It is a place of mastery and a place of serenity.
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